LIFE IS STILL AN ADVENTURE

Blog written by Jane, the daughter of Michael who is a board member of Deafblind Scotland.

I’m not a fan of the obvious. For many reasons, but really only one that applies to this post. When thinking about this title in relation to my 77 year old, deafblind father it would be too easy to talk about some of the many amazing things he has done. Like rowing the Union Canal, abseiling (more than once) walking Ben Nevis (aged 71), or completing a triathlon (aged 74…..he started easy with the Ben!) or trekking and wild camping across Scotland. But these things have been written and talked about lots and even has Dad asked me about writing this blog, that was the idea that came to his mind.

The trouble with going with the obvious is that it can limit our horizon and our own narrative; who we think we are and what we can offer. We focus on past triumphs/adventures and forget to incorporate the newer or less obvious stories.

Sometimes we don’t do this because we don’t see it; it takes someone else to point it out or see it for us. So I guess this is a little gift to Dad, and a reminder to myself (and you perhaps?) not to limit ourselves, venture out of our comfort zone, and explore our own “Undiscovered Country”.

The things I mentioned above were all things that Dad accomplished after the loss of my mother. And this was a big loss for Dad, huge in fact. Apart from having 35 years of companionship and family life, Mum was essentially Dad’s carer; she helped him navigate his life and interact with the world around him. I want to say to Dad that I know how hard that adaptation has been and that he still feels that loss acutely. I recognise that.

The thing is though, that sometimes adventures start from a sad place, or a scary place, or an unfamiliar, unexpected place. We say “hell no! I didn’t sign up for this!” And Dad really didn’t want this ‘adventure’. He wouldn’t even call it an adventure, but he has grown so much through this. Dad always said that Mum had done most of the parenting (and always downgraded his own parenting) but do you know who was there when I came out and said that I was gay? Yep, my evangelical, Presbyterian, deafblind dad! What’s the relevance of being deafblind in that story – well Dad wasn’t exposed to the growing media representation gay and lesbian folk and the gradual “normalising” of non-binary sexuality and identity. I mean, I’d been married and this came as a bit of shock to him, poor lamb. But he stepped up. Gave me a hug, parented and accepted me and broadened his experience and understanding of a life outwith his own. This came with a lot of challenges. There were (and still are) some heated exchanges!

Dad has also had to interact socially without the support of mum, and we all know how much easier having someone to “go with” makes social occasions. Well, when you add being deafblind into that equation, well wow! And I know it doesn’t touch the sides of his loneliness, but the determination and sheer will to engage in social activities is representative of a true adventurous and indomitable spirit. (Yes, Dad I’m talking about you). He’s begun teaching Braille at the new resource centre and I LOVE that he’s got a second kind of career at 75+. When he told me he’d signed up for the drama group at the same centre you could have knocked me down with a feather! ​MY FATHER​??? Drama???? Talk about the adventure of redefining yourself!

Dad may not think that he has made lemonade out of the lemons life handed him, but from my perspective he’s doing a pretty fine job. And I have learned to embrace challenges and not back down from things in my own indomitable and adventurous way. So I would encourage Dad and us all to keep on keeping on. It’s all we can do.

Sometimes the adventure is outside and tangible, sometimes it’s having the courage to face our inner demons and seek light for our shadows. Adventures aren’t always fun or easy or nice but they are worthwhile. And they can be funny too….remember that trek? Well, I’ve got three things to say; outdoor toileting, biodegradable (read thin!!!) loo roll and wind………….